Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Michael Jackson: The Experience: The Game!

It was only a matter of time, wasn't it?

Michael Jackson, following the path of "dead celebrities making stuff post-mortem" that Tupac and Chris Farley carved out, has come out with a video game celebrating his music and dance steps and aw who're we kidding? The folks who own MJ's name and estate (probably his broke, untalented family) approved for UbiSoft to make some bullshit Dance-Dance Revolution / Guitar hero rip-off style game.

Look at this monstrosity.

Graaaaaaaar! Daaaaance with meeeeeeeeee!

The game offers 3 play modes. The first, called "Classic" (and I highly doubt there's anything in this game that could be called "classic") where you dance as Michael in all of his videos. The second option is "Duet", which lets you dance as Michael or another character.

Huh? Why the fuck do I wanna be dancin' as somebody who's not Michael Jackson? This is the Michael jackson experience, who else could I be dancing as?? I'm starting to view this game as incredibly suspect.

The third and final game mode is "crew", in which you dance as one of MJ's back-up dancers. Alright, fuck this. Fuck this, I have to dance as a back-up dancer while a CGI version of the dead celebrity dances in front of me? I feel like there should be German arthouse drug addicts masturbating behind me while I dance to this.

You can also play this game on the PSP or Nintendo DS, but why would you want to? Short of scaring everyone on the train while you dance maniacally, one hand holding the support rail while the other steadies your handheld dancin' device...


I would've bought a game that was based on the life of the late Michael Jackson. I think sixty bucks to go golden vase shopping, or tree climbing or monkey buying or train riding or oxygen-chamber sleeping isn't too high a price. Can you imagine the "Cure the Cancer-Ridden Orphan with Wine and Your Penis" level? Stuff. Of. Legends.

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