The Pentagon Needs to Use Cyber-Ninjas

By Lazy J Janso

Network World released an article back in May about the Department of Defense's statement that cyberattacks can warrant military response. This prompted a response on 6/6/11 from the same site questioning the tactic, and the Pentagon's ability to decipher whether or not a major cyberattack on an American company or infrastructure would require military retaliation against that country, or against a single individual or group residing in that company. The main point made by the Pentagon's released statement would be that all possible measures would be taken to block the attacks, and that the DOD would due their due damn diligence to pinpoint the nature of the attack before responding.

Y'know what's easier than taking military action during the course of 3 wars (two we're directly involved in, one that we're simply financing through NATO)?

Cyber-ninjas.

Hear me out, because I know it sounds super dumb (and admittedly not very funny). I'm not literally talking about atom-sized ninjas running around the Internet slicing hacker worms in half with swords. Although that would be cool. And adorable.

But I mean more the super-cool team of twenty-somethings who operate from remote basements who skateboard around public train stations and hack government files from payphones.

I'm talking about the movie Hackers.


Remember how COOL that movie was when we were younger?!? It was so absent from all reality, and it didn't matter because nobody knew what the Internet was and how it worked! Nobody knew that two cross-dressing Asian dudes couldn't control and entire Rebel Army of hackers, or that you could take over a TV Network by wrapping an Ethernet cable around a wet fork and jamming it into a toaster as hard as you possibly can.

Obviously now even the dumbest of people (like myself) understand how networking works. Go watch Hackers and see if they mention MAC address filtering. I betcha they don't. I betcha they just use the word "gigga" as a prefix for like, 30 different words.

"We're running the worm at 200 giggatrips per byte. I'm into the main server drive's coupling giggasystem! Where's my hairspray?!?!?"

Now obviously finding this elite team of Internet misfits is going to be damn near impossible. There's no coffee house/skate park in America where a tattooed 16 year old mega-genius can make a complicated backwards-compatible wrap around an existing security system without interfering with its activity sound like a dumbed-down analogous sound bite...

"Imagine wrapping a band-aid around a cut finger. Except digitally!" (sipping coffee)

In order to stop real cyber-criminals from toppling our paper-thin infrastructure, we'll need to use pretend cyberninjas as a deterrent. Honestly, who's going to try and take on Matthew Lillard, Angelina Jolie and Jonnie Lee Miller? Maybe it's just my 1990's sensibilities, but the best way to stop the fear of the unknown is by creating something else to fear.

And if there's one thing that someone who can topple Lockheed Martin with a keystroke is afraid of... it's a sexier version of themselves making more money doing it.

Oh and the Chinese. Everyone's afraid of the Chinese.

Seven Days

-RonGuy
Well folks, we have exactly one week left until Green Lantern hits the big screen.  Excited?  Sure you are!  With videos like the ones below, how could you not be?  These collectively have forced my decision making needle to red line on awesome.  So spend the next ten minutes or so letting these clips wash over you and pump you up for what I'm sure will be the best damn comic book movie of the year.  Video credit thanks to Ain't It Cool News who siphoned them from HitFix's YouTube channel.

In brightest day, in blackest night, no evil shall escape your sight - but only if you click here! 

Ron's Video Game Roundup

So with all of the buzz surrounding E3, I decided I would share with all of you some of the games that I'm excited for.  These aren't necessarily games just announced, or only games that hold the spotlight at E3, but instead just a simple collection of game trailers that have me willing to starve for game money.

First off is the new Tomb Raider.  For me this collection of games has been hit or miss, but this cinematic trailer has me thinking they'll deliver.  Apparently, this game is to be a prequel and takes us on the adventure that turns Lara Croft into a genuine Tomb Raider.  Also, from this cinematic trailer it appears that Lara is a bit more anatomically proportioned, a fact that might have some distressed.  Maybe the story will include her using all of the riches she finds to afford a barbie doll boob job.  One can only hope...Video credit to IGN.



Next up is another cinematic from E3 for Hitman: Absolution.  I have to say, I love their entire series of games.  How many games actually give you kudos for NOT filling your screen with bodies?  The stories were always compelling, and you could complete a level in a whole slew of different strategies.  From this trailer alone the game looks better than the box of crap the movie was, so I'd say it's got potential.  Video credit again to the folks at IGN.



Check out the rest of the previews after the jump!

Some Random Thoughts on Award Shows in General

John J

I don't pretend to be "in the know" on pop culture. The extent of my knowledge on popular television consists of "The Voice looks stupid and I refuse to watch it". So I thought I'd show that I'm a 75 year old man in a 26 year old body by critiquing current television, and I'm going to use the CMT Music Awards as my pincushion. I'd apologize to country fans, but I kinda think that the role of "apology recipient" belongs to me on that one.

I visited USA Today's website this morning (which I usually do when I'm in an overly-positive mood and I need to dial it down a bit closer to "emotionally defeated") and saw an article on the CMT Music Awards.

Not "Country Music Awards". CMT Music Awards. Country Music Television Music Awards. So, pop-country that airs on your network. So, like 16 bands/performers.

Kid Rock is hosting tonight. Yes, no other country music star oozes as much natural charisma and mainstream showmanship like a long-haired swamp-creature in a fedora.

I've never understood the need for more than, say, two award ceremonies for media. The Oscars and the Emmy's, although still completely self-congratulatory and grossly insulting to people who don't have any money or prospects, at least are holding a death-grip onto what little glamorous Hollywood sparkle from the 50's is left. But let's take a look at some of the less fantastic;

S.A.G.
American Music Awards
Daytime Emmy
Tony Awards
Country Music Award (CMA)
People's Choice Awards
Golden Globe
MTV Music Awards
MTV Movie Awards
Billboard Music Awards
Grammy Awards
Kid's Choice Awards
Teen Choice Awards
Soul Train Music Awards
Essence Awards
Spike TV Scream Awards
Comedy Central Comedy Awards
CMT Music Awards
TV Land Awards

These are just ones that I thought of while writing this. Nothing says "I matter in the industry" like being nominated for the American Music Awards and CMT Music Awards but not the CMA's or Billboard Music Awards, and winning only the CMT Music Award... for best single of the year. YES! One out of four award shows gave online voters the choice of 6 songs and people voted that my one song that my label forced on Clearchannel radio was the most popular of the month! Vindication!

Maybe I'm just griping for no real reason. Maybe these award shows are just a way for the viewing public to see their favorite singers/actors in settings outside of magazines and music videos. Maybe it's just a chance to celebrate the growth of the industry and the wide breadth of its talent.

Or maybe it's just a way for stupid people to suck at the oily tit of manufactured fame until they get fired from Target and die on their couch.

Hooray for award shows!

Matthew Modine Joins "Dark Knight Rises" Cast

So according to the folks at Nerdist.com, Matthew Modine will be joining the "Dark Knight Rises" cast as the third villain.  In a previous post, John announced the other two in the line up (read all about them here.)  Matthew Modine, you might recognize from Full Metal Jacket, will be playing a character we know now only as Nixon.  It is reported that the character will pay homage to the name as a crooked politician.  So my guess is as good as yours, is this a new villain?  Who in the Bat-Verse could he be?

AQUAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!

No real post here, just take a look at this amazing Ivan Reis cover to the upcoming September release of "Aquaman" by Geoff Johns and Reis.

8 Random Thoughts About the Geoff Johns/Jim Lee Justice League

Hey party people,     

John here, I wanted to discuss a bit (in no real framework or organized thought) my immediate reaction to the Geoff Johns written, Jim Lee pencilled Justice League of America coming at the end of August. While this leads to the much larger announcement DC made of reverting all standing titles back to issue #1, we're going to save that for the podcast (mostly cuz I

want to see that vein in the middle of Ron's forehead swell up like a choke victim).

But for now, let's stick with the one book.

1) Dick Grayson Batman
That really looks like Grayson on the cover, by the gauntlets and the non-glowing chest plate thing that Bruce wears (I really hate that damn logo... if you're looking to beat the shit out of people, would you put your name on your chest and have it glow in the dark?) If it is Grayson, I'm loving the idea. I'd like to see Grayson make it to the "big time"; he's technically in the Justice League, but it's full of second stringers and women (Psh... women). Seeing him kick ass alongside Superman and Wonder Woman would just be a fanboy moment. Plus, Grayson actually expresses emotion, so I'd imagine there'd be more opportunities for character moments besides the obvious "Bruce says something gruff and unapologetic".

2) Jim Lee is pencilling
I'm not going to lie, I really like Jim Lee's work. I know it represents the shift of "90's comic art" that focuses more on bad-ass poses and completely ignores things like background and blocking (not that Lee is guilty of either, but a lot of these problems spawned from his work (most notably Spawn, double parentheses!!!)) but I still really dig his style of work. Hush's saving grace was his artwork, All-Star B&R looking amazing and his X-Men run was what got me into comics as a kid. That being said..... the dude is slow. Suuuuuuper slow. Like most good artists, I assume. Plus, his role as Co-Publisher of DC Comics probably adds another brick wall to the whole process, so hopefully he's able to keep up on a monthly book. I'm sure he'll only be on for a 6 issue arc and then it'll move on, but I can still dream of a year-long run. Hell, rumors have been going on for more than a year about a Johns/Lee run on JLA, so he may have a good number of issues under his belt already.