So Arnold Schwarzenegger is Retarded, Right?

He'd have to be to be excited about the new Stan Lee created comic book about him titled The Governator. Looking past the incredibly stupid title that was obviously hatched by a comic writer in his fucking nineties, there's a lot to get me excited about... and I mean the kind of excited you get watching a car sliding on a sheet of ice towards another unsuspecting car at a stop light.

So let's take a look at the quotes from Super Hero Hype and Entertainment Weekly. I'll be dissecting them as I go, because I'm sure you'd agree with me that some of this shit cannot go without consternation.

To quote Stan Lee: "The Governator is going to be a great superhero, but he’ll also be Arnold Schwarzenegger. We’re using all the personal elements of Arnold’s life. We’re using his wife [Maria Shriver]. We’re using his kids. We’re using the fact that he used to be governor. Only after he leaves the governor’s office, Arnold decides to become a crime fighter and builds a secret high-tech crime-fighting center under his house in Brentwood."

First of all, I really like the idea of Stan Lee using Schwarzenegger's kids. It just sounds funny. But I love the description Lee gives of the entire book. It sounds so simple; an aging action star/roid freak/masochist who's now a governor and his family. Simple stuff, simple story. Done. But WAIT, there's a twist! After he leaves the governor's office, he's not just going back home to lounge around and eat sausage and smoke cigars and punch through layers of cement and brick that happen to be lying around... He's going to build a fucking crime-fighting center under his house!

My first question would be "Why?" I guess we'll just have to read to find out.

A further quote from the EW article: Along with the Arnold Cave, the Governator will have a fleet of super vehicles at his disposal, a closet full of “Super Suits” that allow him to fly and perform other super stunts, and a team of colorful sidekicks, such as Zeke Muckerberg, the precocious 13-year-old computer whiz who acts as the Governator’s cybersecurity expert. Naturally, there will also be recurring supervillains — including an evil organization called Gangsters Imposters Racketeers Liars & Irredeemable Ex-cons (or G.I.R.L.I.E. Men, for short). For Schwarzenegger, the cartoon is obviously the next best thing to being President. "I love the idea of a control center below my house with a path so that boats and submarines can go right into the ocean," he tells EW. "In the cartoon, my house is much closer to the beach than where we live, but, you know, it’s a cartoon."





Okay, here's where things get tricky... We know his kids are in the book, right? Why the Hell does Arnold need a "precocious 13 year old" to help him with computer problems?

"Hey, Zeke!"

"Yeah, Governator?"

"My Outlook is broooken, fix the thing or I break you."

"You got it, boss man!"

"I'll be outside by the pooool."

And on a side note, the character's name is "Zeke Muckerburg", and obvious (almost too obvious) nod to Mark Zuckerburg. Get it? Cuz of Facebook! But he's a kid! That makes it a joke!

Alright, back to the article. The evil enterprise raises a couple questions as well.

Gangsters Impostors Racketeers Liars & Irredeemable Ex-cons (or G.I.R.L.I.E. Men, for short)

Alright, one of these things is not like the other... What are liars doing getting murdered by Arnold Schwarzenegger? Or Ex-Cons, for that matter? Yep, you're not a reformed member of society until the Governator says you are, dirtbag! You can tell they aren't reformed because they tossed in the fact that they're "irredeemable". That means they're eeeevil. You would think that if Arnold had a base under his house he could stop bigger criminals that impostors, right? He's going to go use his super-suit to fuck up somebody stealing identities? And in front of children?? Harsh...

Arnold closes things out with the great quote;

"I love the idea of a control center below my house with a path so that boats and submarines can go right into the ocean,"

Really? Cuz I hate the idea. Was he saying that as an architectural thought, or was he referring to the comic?

"In the cartoon, my house is much closer to the beach than where we live, but, you know, it’s a cartoon."
This cartoon is bullshit and it is inaccurate! If you're not going to get the pathway to Schwarzenegger's house accurate to the foot then why the fuck are we even making this thing??

The comic book and animated series spawning from this aborted rape-baby of an idea are set to hit next year.

Geoffrey Rush is Tomar-Re

Hey y'all,

I'll have a full post later today, but I need to get this out there first and foremost. I'm not sure I have thoughts on it just yet, but the HeroComplex at LA Times is reporting that Geoffrey Rush (yes, the Geoffrey Rush of "Mystery Men" fame) is voicing the character of Tomar-Re in the Green Lantern movie. So... apparently this movie's still getting made.

PERFECT photo comparison, LA Times. PERFECT!

I haven't seen Rush in too many films, mostly because I don't like period pieces, but what I've seen him in I enjoyed. Hell, he was the only reason I sat through the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie. Oh, and House on Haunted Hill, he was good in that (yeah, I'm kidding.) So this is pretty exciting news, as I'm familiar with the character of Tomar-Re from the books. I'll be honest, I never pictured Tomar-Re with a slimy Brisbane accent. But the movie can use all the PR it can get, with Thor and Captain America getting sporting the limelight so much right now.

Oh, and Michael Clarke Duncan may be voicing Kiliwog, but that's speculation at the moment. I'm hopeful though, because I really want to see the scene where Kilowog looks at Hal and says "Gimme yo' hand, boss."

Behold the Majesty of Wonder Woman!

Newsarama has come out with screencaps of some behind-the-scenes footage of David E. Kelley's "Wonder Woman" pilot. Boy, does she look graceful!

Eek! My shoooooes!

A powerful Amazon warrior, fighting against the evil and corruption of modern mankind's Jesus Christ does that look like shit.

Not very warrior-like, is it? Just kinda looks like your mother-in-law performing a dare near Lower Wacker. But there's a couple other things worth noting... take a look at our comparison below;

I honestly liked the original version of the costume, although I still had reservations. I liked the blue bpants with the blue boots, to start. It at least looks a bit more streamlined, like it was designed all in one piece. It also detracts from the poor quality of the actual costume design. It beign rubber and form fitting really didn't hurt either.

The new costume keeps everything from the waist up, but the pants have been tweaked to a darker shade, and look like they're made of cotton... so Wonder Woman's wearing baggy sweatpants... I assume its so she could do her "running across cars" manuevers in the show, but it still shouts "cheap" to me. Plus, the boots have been reverted back to the classic red. It's more traditional, and I for one am always a traditionalist when it comes to comic medium transitions, but it's a two way street. Why not get rid of the pants and go back to the panties? Because it's in poor taste. Agreed. But with that argument settled, you may as well go for broke on interpreting the costume. The blue boots worked. These red, floppy boots with the sweats don't.

Plus Wonder Woman looks terrified and horribly out of breath.

Wonder Woman! Grrrrrr..... ow, don't push!

Falling Skies Trailer

TNT has released a new trailer for their upcoming series, "Falling Skies."  It's set to air with a two hour debut on June 19th.  I'm thrilled there is a new Sci-Fi show set for release, but my initial impression is The Librarian vs. Cylon/bug people - I'm a bit skeptical to say the least.  Check out the trailer below and tell us what you think!  Feel free to either comment below, or send us your thoughts to ProgressivelyAggressive@live.com.




For more regular updates on the show, a web comic series, and additional trailers check out the show's official page
http://www.tnt.tv/series/fallingskies/

The Real Problem I Have with Smallville

And no, it isn't the litany of fiberglass fiacial expressions from Tom Welling. And it's not that we have never seen Superman as Superman. Or the fact that we have to essentially sit through Superman being forced through the ringer of the prime-time WB teen demographic format (Supernatural, One Tree Hill, 90210, Vampire Diaries, I could go on...)

It's the fact that the show recognizes it has a television budget, and still goes for broke on costume/character design.

I'm sure that's part of the reason we haven't seen Clark in the cape and cowl, because it would look like a fraternity house president's older brother showed up wearing a storebought Superman costume. But do we have to suffer through the constant onslaught of ancillary characters dressed like their parents saw a comic book and decided to put a costume.

There are essentially two types of "bad" costume choices on the show. There's the "We don't have the money to put together what it should look like, so let's have the character wear a shirt the same color as the original costume." We won't touch too much on that today, since there's so many examples we could provide for that (Supergirl, Aquaman, Flash, Black Lightning, the entire Legion of Superheroes...) Today we're going with the second "bad" costume type;

Power Ranger costumes.

I've dubbed the phrase "Power Ranger" costumes after the kid's show, in which every character or bad guy of the week had costumes made out of either super-floppy rubber or super-shiny plastic. The helmets are two sizes too big, so the characters always looked like they were handicapped, and everybody moved really slow because the material was such Guatemalan
shit that any quick motion would rip a piece off. This is Smallville.


Here's the picture that sparked this whole post. I present... Blue Beetle and Booster Gold.

You can see Booster Gold is the one wearing the styrafome outfit, and although it doesn't look too bad, it looks more like something a professional paintballer would wear. Blue Beetle, on the other hand, is the Japanese children's nightmare standing in the background. Besides the Power Ranger helmet, it also looks like his arms are a good half-foot away from his body. Can he see in that costume, let alone lift either of his arms?


How about some others?


Hawkman

Okay, this isn't terrible. The logo on the center of the chest is good, and I'm pretty impressed by the quality of his wings. But the helmet really doesn't look good at all, and doesn't seem to fit his head in the slightest. I best if he sneezed the thing would come shooting off of his face. Plus, not to be nit-picky, but Hawkman doesn't wear a shirt. The dude is just 250 lbs of man, and simply wears the straps and emblem across the chest. He doesn't wear a Spartacus: Blood and Sand chestpiece underneath of it (although that could be just the overall physique of the actor playing Hawkman....)

Dr. Fate and Stargirl

Good God, look at this fucking atrocity. Dr. Fate I honestly don't mind at all, even though he's wearing old lady's dishwashing gloves. The chestpiece is cool and the helmet looks spot on (and actually fits!).

My problem is with Stargirl. Stargirl represents the main problem with comic book costumes translating to the big (or small) screen. They're usually skintight with features that operate in different ways depending on the circumstances in the story (Batman's cape was actually explained brilliantly in Batman Begins). So Stargirl as an 18 year old girl wearing bike shorts and a long sleeved T/belly shity with a domino mask is a tough one to pull off. Tough, not impossible.

That fucking mask of hers looks like she's going to a costume party for children. It juts out from her face, is super shiny (Power Rangers), and honestly is giving her a bit of a five-head (so much forehead it's a five-head). Her cosmic staff is pretty much a lamp stand with a glow tube on top. Got enough in the budget to make CGI light come out of the staff when she shoots it? Good, then you should've had enough in the budet to just make the top of that staff completely CGI and track the damn thing. This all leads to my biggest gripe...

Martian Manhunter.

I imagine the writers of the show said "well if we pop prosthetics on a guy and face paint him green, it's going to look really bad." I can't imagine them saying that though, because they seem to have no problem doing it for other characters, but that's not the point. This is a black dude in a trench coat. They did put the red cross-hatch over the chest, as they did with Hawkman, and it's over green, so they got the colors right. But there is nothing that says Martian Manhunter to me. You can have a black dude on the show, if that was your point! Make him Mr. Terrific! Make him Black Lightning! If you think it's too racist then call him Jefferson Pierce and just pretend like that dopey kid in the earlier seasons never happened! It makes no sense to say that Martian Manhunter, an alien superhero, is just going to be a guy wearing the appropriate colors.

I've pointed out some of the costume choices I hate (and believe me, there are more), so I may as well touch on the one costume I think is done well on the show.

Green Arrow

This is just a nicely thought-out costume. Ollie's costume has never been an overly-complicated one. He's a man of the people, a street-level fighter, and his costume should reflect that. This has the main offerings; the hood, the smaller arrows attached to the glove gauntlets, the "G" on the belt (which is a great touch), and the armbands near the shoulders. Again, it's a bit plastic-looking and has a zipper in the front, which is just dumb, but if you don't show it then you don't notice it.

Ollie does wear sunglasses in the show, and although I'd like to see him in a domino mask to detract a bit of the "motorcycle fetish" it's got going, I've seen the domino mask on Stargirl... stick with what you've got, Green Arrow...

That's enoguh rambling for today, Podcast next weekend since we missed it this weekend! Stay tuned, sorry for the wait!